This example is wordy because the authors overused the passive voice. You can rewrite it more briefly and clearly, without sacrificing "objectivity," by using the active voice and identifying a subject for each verb.

The analog signals from the three transducers were collected by an external recording system. These data were collected for comparison with known values of force, angle, and velocity. Mayhew, T.P., Rothstein, J.M., Finucane, S.D.G., & Lamb, R.L. (1994). Performance characteristics of the Kin-Com dynamometer. Physical Therapy, 74, 1047-1054.	For feedback:

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The analog signals from the three transducers were collected by an external recording system. These data were collected for comparison with known values of force, angle, and velocity.	An external recording device collected analog signals from the three transducers. We compared these data with known values of force, angle, and velocity.

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Try another example:

In our study, each pair of strain gauges was tested separately so that force measurements in each direction could be evaluated.	For feedback:

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In our study, each pair of strain gauges was tested separately so that force measurements in each direction could be evaluated.	We tested separately each pair of strain gauges to evaluate force measurements in each direction.

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What was the secret that Karl Hess (1923-1994) claimed was responsible for his exquisite writing?

Last updated 7-18-01 ©Dave Thompson PT